Permission For All of You
I’m a bitch. I’m a lover.
I’m a child. I’m a mother.
I’m a sinner. I’m a saint.
I do not feel ashamed.
I’m a bitch. I’m a tease.
I’m a goddess on my knees.
When you hurt, when you suffer,
I’m your angel undercover.
I’ve been numb. I’m revived.
Can’t say I’m not alive.
And no, you wouldn’t want it any other way.
‘Bitch’ by Meredith Brooks
This past year has been an unexpected journey of self-acceptance for me. So many times (like 3-4 times a week this year) I have been faced with situations where I could either accept myself or reject/deny/beat myself up. For whatever reason, I have been awakened to how I treat myself internally- and it was very clear, pretty quickly, that not accepting myself lead to consequences I didn’t like.
It’s not like this has been the easiest practice ever. There are certainly parts of myself I have trouble accepting.
She Who Cries from Frustration.
The Unfulfilled Part. (Yes, I have them, too!)
The Crazy, Yelling Mom.
The One Who Makes Boundaries Even With Those She Loves.
The Crystal Clear Bitch.
She Who Is Spiritually Worn Down. (<– How did I let that happen? Judgement, judgement…)
But when I have allowed myself to say, “Okay, well, today I am the Crystal Clear Bitch. And that’s just what’s happening today and it’s okay,” things have quieted down, internally.
I’m not heaping judgement and shame on top of the already difficult emotion or mood. It’s just where I’m at; things will shift in an hour or a day.
What I have also come to realize is that this- the flow and instant change of mood- is our feminine nature.
I think there is a reason there are so many more female gods than male ones: we have more moods. And the ancients knew those moods, those faces of the feminine, were sacred. Necessary. Good. Authentic.
And so, today, I want to give you permission to be all these things, all these facets of the feminine jewel. I want to make a little space where you might be able to accept more of yourself than before.
You are allowed to:
be the weepy one
scream in frustration
be sick of holding it together
falter in your faith
fire back with the bitchiest words you have
be tired of the responsibility
laugh at your enemies
listen and say nothing
accept a compliment (and not send one in return)
feel hatred before compassion
love this moment (because this one you’ve been waiting for, for so long)
open your heart as wide as you want
forgive them (for your own selfish reasons)
ask for love
look for answers that feel good
desire (full stop. desire. you are allowed to.)
Especially for my Surge ladies, you are allowed to:
enjoy the drama of it all
feel so, so good near him
accept happiness from whoever is giving it to you
love the connection
feel the heat
take care of yourself
read + write + watch sexy things
do sexy things
cry (for joy or pain)
smile like crazy
There is nothing wrong with you or your feelings. For years I have been praising the virtues of female anger – and it is finally being accepted, albeit slowly. But I think the real task ahead is to accept all of ourselves.
Real fulfillment and satisfaction does not come from just focusing on the good or only feeling happiness. Satisfaction comes from fully expressing who we are, accepting ourselves, and experiencing as much as we can of life.
So, please- welcome all of yourself to the table. All the faces and facets of yourself -the ones you know and love, the ones you hold back. Let them live and move and flow. It is in this self-acceptance that you will find your real strength and power and goodness.