If you hadn’t already noticed, I think women are amazing. We have made amazing achievements, we have these bodies capable of making humans (for those of us with uteruses!), we deal with weird hormonal cycles like it’s basically nothing, and we handle a lot of stuff in our world- people, projects, emotions, hard situations. I believe we change the world every day by being who we are. And yet, there are still things and ideas that are taboo.
Peri-menopause and mid-life sex are still somewhat taboo. Yes, there are books and websites (and Gwyneth Paltrow is saying some things I said a long time ago; it’s a good article and I will be talking about some of these things in the future). But how much does your average person know about peri-menopause or mid-life sex and relationships (and psycho-social changes)? When we say ‘peri-menopause’ in a meeting or out loud, what happens? We still get weird looks (at the least). And then, if you talk about having a high libido as a mid-life woman- you get the weird looks and the jaw drop.
But talking about these things is part of why I am here- we have to talk about them in order to make them ‘normal’ in our society. I’m tired of the fact that women know a lot about men, or children, or aging parents, but we still don’t have a lot of cultural knowledge – or even acceptance – for peri-menopause and different libido levels at mid-life. It’s important that we start being not only honest, but open about these experiences.
Because the Sex Surge is so important to me, I want to talk about that the most, but the fact is- if we begin to talk about all the kinds of sex we’re wanting and not wanting, having and not having, during mid-life we could change the world. I truly believe that.
There is no shame in not wanting or having sex at any time in our life- but most certainly when our hormones are all whacked out and we don’t feel like ourselves (especially when we are feeling openly hostile!). And we need to talk about that openly so it becomes part of ‘normal’ during peri-menopause. On the flip side, it’s okay to want more and new kinds of sex during the Sex Surge. And we need to talk about that openly so it becomes part of ‘normal’ during mid-life (and beyond!).
What this comes down to is that I strongly believe we can make the world a better and easier place for all of us going through the Sex Surge and peri-menopause by simply speaking about what we are going through and being honest and open about it. It will be weird only as long as it’s seen as taboo- and we can change that rather quickly. This is one of the reasons I think Gen X, Gen Y, and Millennial folks are going to change the face of peri-menopause- because we’re going to talk about it the same we we have talked about going to therapy, coming to terms with our sexuality, living through divorce, taking care of aging parents, etc.
So, please, take a deep breath and dare to be honest about what you’re going through outside of your girlfriend circle. Dare to explain hot flashes when someone in a meeting asks why the windows are open. Dare to claim the fact that you want sex waaaay more than you ever have before. Dare to tell the truth about what’s happening for you, as a woman, in this part of life. Because that’s how we change the world to make it better for all of us. Like women do.