The seasons are transitioning right now. For my Northern hemisphere friends, we are moving into Fall. For my Southern hemisphere friends, we are moving into Spring. Those can be intense times- for some folks it effects them physically and emotionally. Mid-life has a wide variety of intense moments, too.
I can remember the most intense parts of the Sex Surge® with great clarity. I would wake up and begin having a sexual fantasy about three minutes later. Some days this was fun, some days it was annoying. My body was immediately turned on and stayed that way pretty much all day. If there was music playing, I’d make up some sexy scenario for whoever I was fantasizing about that day, that hour. As I drove to work, I’d look at the guys in cars next to me and rate them on a 1-10 scale. I’d be thinking about having sex pretty much all day, in one form or another. And I’d be longing for orgasm. The thought of not having sex for another day would drive me up the wall. And then I’d have fantasies about doing it up against the wall. It was an period of intense energy and power.
Now that I’m on the other side of it, I still have my intense days, they just don’t revolve around sex. They revolve around responsibilities: school stuff, post-vacay organization, the death of a dear family member, finding money for orthodonture work, making big career decisions. It might not be all packed into the same day, but what’s the difference? We all have those days where it is all packed into a few hours and we feel like we’re gonna explode. (And maybe we do!)
The most frustrating thing about intense days/weeks/years is that they knock us off our center. We put on the armor – mental, emotional – that will help us ‘get through’ and we head into the fray. But that’s not really the whole person, or the true person, or the centered person. It’s the person that Gets Shit Done, but I don’t think that’s the whole woman. At least, it’s not in my case.
What can we do when everything is intense and we need to not only Deal With All The Stuff but also not lose ourselves inside the overwhelming energy of it all? Two things:
One: find a way to release the intensity. I find that matching the release with the problem is helpful. If you’re dealing with intellectual intensity, do something intellectual to release it. If you’re dealing with physical intensity, do something physical to release it. If you’re feeling emotional intensity, do something emotional to release it (although, sometimes physical movement is a better doorway for releasing emotional content: do what works for you). Letting it out and letting it go is important.
Two: get help from your people. Call your girlfriends. Call your sacred connections. Let them know you’re needing help, love, support. Goodness knows, if a girlfriend called me asking for help, I would be there in a heartbeat- we all would, I believe. So, be the one that asks for help. Struggle and support are what help us weave our connections together. Call your people and get them near you. Many of us have reached out during divorce or after having a baby to find our network; the mid-life shifts are no different, we need our group. Plus, they know us best. They know our truth. They will show us the way back to ourself.
Whether it’s the Sex Surge or general mid-life responsibilities, intense times call for a return to our true self. We can get ourselves through the frazzled energy by releasing any pent up emotions or energy and making sure we connect with those who love us. Stay true to you, that’s what matters most.