When something comes up in more than one conversation in a fairly short amount of time, I pay attention. It’s usually Life trying to tug at my shirt and get me to notice something. Or it may be a message that needs passing on. And that is what today’s post is about.
Over the last two or three weeks, I have had people (in all my various roles in life) come to me with questions of ‘stuckness.’ You know, when you can’t seem to decide what to do or which direction to head?
When I’m stuck, I tend to get a bit depressed (because feeling like you can’t move is kinda depressing!), and angry with myself (why can’t I figure this out???). I judge myself a lot.
Sometimes ‘stuck’ feels like PMS and I’m a little cranky with my people.
Certainly many women express feeling frustrated and maybe even fearful. Perhaps a big decision is riding on the ‘stuck’- and that’s scary.
We may end up not sleeping well (or waking up at weird hours), or eating all the -nom nom nom- comfort food as a way to calm ourselves.
But at the root of all these feelings is the stuck thing. That feeling that we cannot turn one way or the other and make a move. It’s the feeling of emotional paralysis.
Here is the thing about that spot of paralysis, though: it depends on the idea that all the options available to you are equal.
Which they are not.
Often when we are dealing with the options presented to us in ‘stuckness’ we can’t decide because they all feel or seem to be the same.
What I have found to be true, both personally and professionally, is that the options aren’t equal.
Think of it like peanut butter. You go to the grocery store and there are (at least) five brands available to you. They all look basically the same. But they aren’t, are they?
One has extra sugar and fat added.
One is what you ate as a kid (memories!).
One is dehydrated.
One is super-chunky.
One is smooth.
They look like the same thing, but they’re all different. And that’s true about the stuck place, generally. The options look the same but they are somehow different.
Sometimes the difference is how we feel about the things.
Or how we feel about the potential outcomes.
Or it’s what we want but feel we can’t have- so we get stuck.
Or we know one of the choices is better in some way (even if it’s in our ‘heart’ or ‘soul’ that we know it).
But I do believe we know what to choose, even if it’s hard to give ourselves permission to know that or accept it. (Sometimes our ‘knowing’ sits behind a little door inside of us, a door we don’t open very wide; but it’s still there.)
When you’re stuck, dare to do the work of searching within yourself, within your life, within your own wisdom to find the choice that’s right for you. There is one, and I believe we do know what it is. And, however hard or strange it might be, begin to choose in the direction of what you know. That is the way to self-acceptance and self-dignity and the way out of ‘stuck.’