Talking with some of you over the last few weeks has been so enjoyable and helped clarify some things for me. I know more about what you need and want and how I can help. (I’ll be offering a New Thing next week.) But one thing I know we all need- whether we are in the Sex Surge or mid-life craziness or even when things are going pretty okay- is the freedom to be who we are and accept what’s going on in our lives right now.
And, often, that freedom and acceptance rests on permission.
Which sounds like a weird thing. Why would we need permission- something given by someone else- to accept ourselves and feel free? Because the system we live in is not here for you to feel free. The system we live in is here, pretty much 100%, to make women compare themselves to a ridiculous standard of perfection and be found lacking.
From day one we are taught to ‘be nice’ (how many times were told that as a child?) and ‘follow directions’ and ‘don’t be a bitch.’ We learn, very quickly, that our freedom and safety come from someone else giving it to us. Which makes sense, in some ways, as children. But the ‘parental guidance’ is so deeply ingrained in us that we forget, as adults, we can choose.
And so, we end up wanting to be who we are, say what we think, tell the truth, or just take care of ourselves, and we end up feeling this strange need for permission; to be told ‘yes, that’s okay,’ and ‘yes, you are okay when you do or think or be that.’ ‘Yes, you can care for yourself in the way you want.’
And sometimes we get paralyzed waiting for that permission. Permission is a web that holds us back. In truth, it has very little power, it’s just a web we’ve been taught to see as impenetrable. But it’s not. We can break through it.
So, today, I am going to give you permission.
You have permission to:
love who you love
want what you want
scream at the top of your lungs
not think about how you’re going to fix it or heal it
tell someone to get their own damn lunch/water/print job
feel overwhelmed and be paralyzed by it
be so angry you can’t see straight
desire and want and want and want them/it/that
tell the truth- even when it’s ugly
quit. to fucking quit (it’s okay)
fuck them (in whatever sense of that word applies for you)
to light up
be turned on
feel, feel, feel
to take care of yourself
to take care of yourself first
to let someone else handle it
to close the door on a dream
open an old box and wonder if you could make that something work again
let your heart open
to drop and drag and moan and cry
to go a little crazy
to fly free in whatever way suits your soul
I give you permission for this. And for anything else you need it for.
But what I would so much rather see and know and hear about is how you gave yourself permission. I want you to break the web yourself.
Because when we give ourselves permission, we are
1- accepting who we are and what we need/want. We are really, truly accepting ourselves in that moment of giving permission. And…
2- we are moving away from a system that doesn’t do us any good.
When you give yourself permission to do what you want or need, you move beyond cultural expectations. And that is some powerful magic. When you give yourself permission, you heal because there is no more rejection of yourself, no more cutting yourself off from your own heart. Weave a web of magic for yourself this week- give yourself permission. Can you do this? Yes, you can do whatever you want.