Today I want to talk about something that happened to me in the Sex Surge, and something that has happened to other clients, but I think it doesn’t happen for everyone. I am quite sure it also happens to women going through the Mid-Life Stuff, because mid-life just makes these things real clear sometimes. But it may be something that only happens to certain personality styles or world perspectives or…I don’t know. But I think it only happens to certain kinds of folks, even though I might not be able to define that group at the moment.
“For fuck’s sake, what is it, Joanna?” you might be saying to yourself.
It’s what I call the Drama Void.
Drama. You know, the stuff in your life that seems to take up so much space and time and frustration and isn’t actually useful? Maybe it’s dramatic people you have in your life; everything is a crisis or a big deal to them. Maybe it’s dramatic projects or places; they seem to induce stress and unnaturally large emotions. They might make you say or think, “Dear Lord, please s-e-t-t-l-e d-o-w-n! This is not a big deal.” You know what I’m talking about. Drama.
And when we have drama in our lives, we are usually working to get out from under it or somehow banish it from our life. If we are successful at this, the drama goes away. Suddenly, there is this hole in our life where the drama used to be. The Drama Void.
Now, when I was in the Sex Surge, I was actually working really hard to get a lot of drama out of my life. Ummm…a fair portion of which I caused myself. And, it took me a couple of years, but I started to recognize that sometimes, when the Drama Void showed up, I preferred to fill it with new drama. Ummm…obviously, not my best look. But it happened.
And, yeah, it took me years to recognize that I was doing this.
But that’s half the battle, ain’t it?
Don’t be a storm chaser.
Once I realized that I was at least partially to blame (sometimes totally to blame) for my own drama, I realized I had to get comfortable with the Drama Void.
It’s kind of a weird place, right? We long for the peace, for the lack of stress, for the space, for the empty field when we’re in the middle of drama. But when that spaciousness shows up, we may not feel exactly comfortable with it. It is peaceful and that’s not what we’ve been experiencing all these months or years so it feels a little awkward.
Here’s the thing about personal development or dreams realized, though: they change us and we have to accept the change.
If we want the peace and space and calm we have worked to find, we have to also avoid the Drama Void. We have to not be pulled in by its little tricks and shiny objects (oh! pretty! let me go look!). We have to learn to live inside of this thing we asked for. We have to learn to live inside of peace, space, calm and let ourselves and our lives be changed by it.
I can tell you, from my own experience and that of others, that it does take time to get used to having peace. It does take practice to not go jumping into (some really seductive) drama again. It felt weird to have this space in my life, inside my head, inside my self. And I had to learn to get used to it. It also felt weird to hold myself back from stepping towards things I could now recognize would bring more drama. I had to keep reminding myself, “Hey, this is what you wanted. Feel it. Accept it. Enjoy it. Make it your new standard.”
Whether you’re feeling this way because of the Sex Surge (and I do think it influences drama-seeking behavior sometimes) or because of old habits or personality style or whatever, you can pull yourself out of the drama. And when you do, please put up bright orange cones around the Drama Void– do not go there. Do not be seduced by it’s excitement. Turn your back on the Drama Void and head towards the space, calm, and peace you’ve worked so hard to achieve. Learn to live there.